A Chronicle of the Eight A.M. Class
Python Basics, Understood by No One.
At eight in the morning, the instructor set out to teach us the art of Python, as part of our computer operations and maintenance course.
Yet among those seated in the classroom, no one knew about numbers or lists, let alone functions and objects.
Seeing this, the instructor proceeded to teach us the art of manipulating strings, reviewing the fundamentals of Python once again.1
After several hours, the instructor instructed us to use Python to convert strings into floating-point numbers and calculate their average.
The instructor said:
“The art of Python requires practice. Write your code and annotate it. Examine it line by line, find what is missing, and fill in the gaps.”
I spent a few moments writing and annotating my code, using static methods and an object-oriented approach.2 Having finished the code, I grew drowsy, yet was not allowed to rest.
My classmates knew next to nothing. They kept interrupting me with questions, apparently unaware that indentation is what Python uses to distinguish blocks of code.3
The instructor could only close their eyes and sigh, before hurriedly distributing the solutions to everyone’s computers.4
“Refer to the examples, but don’t copy them. Think for yourselves and write your own code. Otherwise, all your effort will be for nothing.”
I submitted my assignment and went to sleep, only to hear the instructor explaining what a string was and how to split and join one. How dreadfully boring!
By the end of the class, someone still hadn’t grasped the technique. In desperation, they copied and pasted the code, only to be greeted by red error messages and a swarm of bugs.
I woke up and asked what was wrong.
“I don’t understand what these foreign words mean, and all these red symbols keep appearing…”
I was baffled. An entire semester had already passed, yet some people still didn’t understand the nature of Python, let alone how to use those red error messages to correct their mistakes and squash their bugs.
The hours dragged on. From eight in the morning until noon,5 the instructor had taught nothing but these elementary Python techniques, and still no one had grasped them.
I could only laugh helplessly. Knowing how tedious and pointless the class had been, I headed to the market to buy fried chicken and cola.
The fried chicken was delicious. For a mere twelve yuan, I got half a chicken with a cola—and another half chicken was thrown in for free.6
I ate to my heart’s content, promptly forgetting the tedium of class and turning instead to the pleasures of Minecraft.7
How utterly pathetic I am! To be studying at the same school as these people is proof enough that I’m a fool myself.
September 4, 2023
Translator’s Notes
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String manipulation: The original uses a playful, mock-classical expression for basic Python string operations. ↩︎
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Static methods and object-oriented programming: The author completed the assignment using these techniques, rather than merely following the simplest approach. ↩︎
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Indentation: Python uses indentation to define code blocks. According to the original footnote, some classmates did not even understand this fundamental feature and wrote inconsistently formatted code. ↩︎
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Distributing the solutions: The instructor hurriedly sent the students the worked solutions or answers. ↩︎
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Eight until noon: The class occupied the entire morning: four major class periods, each consisting of two shorter periods. ↩︎
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The extra chicken: This was a promotion for new customers at the restaurant at the time. ↩︎
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Minecraft: The original calls it “the game of blocks,” a humorous, mock-classical description of Minecraft. ↩︎